Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Lost Histories of the Great and Glorious Nation Church State of Chakakahnistan Inc. Part the First

Vienna, Austria. 1808 AD
Ludwig Von Beethoven was between his 6th and 7th Symphonies. Napolean Bonepart was running around Europe and getting in fights. Knowing that Vienna was protected by Beethoven, Napoleon commissioned the design and construction of his fourth, and largest, Coal Powered-Automatic Soldier in hopes that he could conquer Vienna without any chance of resistance. Taken by suprise, much of the city was crushed by the giant metal feet of Napoleon's lumbering juggernaut. This destruction continued unabated for a few minutes because Beethoven couldn't hear all the screaming and crashing and simply wondered why all the stupid people were running around and making faces at him. But once he was properly notified by the city through use of the Beethoven signal flashing across the sky, Ludwig sprang into action. Swiftly he dashed through the streets of a terrified Vienna and spying the nearest piano through the smashed open wall of a family sitting room, Beethoven played the secret chords that allowed him to grow to considerable size. Beethoven found the robot closing in on the Schatzkammer where the royal jewels of the Hapsburg are kept. Napoleon wanted these to help finance his wars, and also because some of them would look stunning pinned to his jacket.
The fight raged for many hours, with only one restroom break, and one break for tea.
Beethoven won.
Demoralized, Napoleon next tried to invade Russia and that sorta failed too and led to his eventual defeat by all the other people that didn't like him. Napoleon's giant robot was last seen limping toward Poland.
Beethoven went on to write more symphonies and was the first to make contact with diplomats from another planet. He kicked their asses too.

The End

Monday, October 13, 2008

Lost Tablets of Tales of Mothy

I'm back. For a little bit. To check on my experiments, test the pasta and make sure it's cooked properly, add a dash of salt to soup, and make sure they flick all the rat droppings off the plate before it goes out to the customers. Other than that I've been up to my neck in artwork and overtime at real work. I'm finishing up special sketch cards for a set known as Marvel Masterpieces. These original sketches get collated in with the regular cards and are pretty rare. I also get some of my own to draw up and sell on e-bay or as commissions. I'm already $200 richer than I was last week. So, yeah. It ain't exactly comics, but I'm getting paid to draw Marvel characters.
On another art front, I have two pieces of pen and ink drawing in a one night fund raiser show for Reno Erotico Diablo. I got to draw robots with boobies! When I went to drop off the artwork, at a local boutique that's helping put on the show, the owner asked me to do a show in her store, so there's that too.
I've also recently un-earthed some lost files from the history of the Glorious Nation Church State of Chakakahnistan, Inc. As soon as we have more catalogued and verified by our legion of super-smart chimp lawyers, we'll begin posting those. It will change the way you look at history. Forever. Even in the future when they have re-forgotten the things we are about to teach you, it will blow their future minds like a talking space jellyfish just stung their enlarged psychic prostate!