Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Prejudices of Man

I was watching a snippet of Night at the Museum when I realized an awful truth that Chakakahnistan must react to. While gorillas and chimps and orangutans get all the respect, monkeys get no love. Despite their cleverness and cuteness, monkeys are often portrayed as terribly undisciplined brats at best, or outright evil at worst. With a few exceptions, most movies and TV shows portray monkeys as deranged tormentors of crippled people, thieves, carriers of disease, and criminal ringleaders. Meanwhile chimps and gorillas are only evil because of something man has done to them. In fact, in rare cases where Gorillas or Chimps are portrayed as evil, those movies are box office failures due to the complete lack of believability. Anyone remember the movie "Congo"? I don't either. Otherwise the great apes are stalwart companions, capable co-pilots, and misuderstood loving giants.
Serously. You know better than to make wishes on a shriveled monkey paw! If you wish for your recently dead son to come back to life, he's gonna show up all bloody and hacked open from his accident at the saw-mill and the goddam monkey paw is gonna be all, "You didn't specifiy! You should have known I'd be a monkey dick about this." I'm sure if there was a story about making wishes using a gorilla paw it would all go according to plan...
Billions of Dollars? I'm sure you want some of that money in small unmarked bills and the rest in an offshore account. Oh, by the way, did I mention it's tax free? Yes sir, thank you for using Gorilla Mitt Wishing Services for all your wishing needs."
And when a monkey dies from eating a poisoned date? Well obviously the little bastard deserved it for his wicked betrayals and letting the Egyptians and Nazis know what basket you're hiding in. But when we have the military hop in their bi-planes and shoot a giant ape off the Chrysler Building it's our bad because he was just in love with some hot blonde and didn't know any better.
Why is this? Why should the smaller of our primate friends be seen as such demonic little pricks? Why is Ben Stiller being slapped by a kleptomaniac Capuchin? It makes no sense to me. And don't even get me started on robotic apes. That gets me all hot and bothered.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Updates and News and Alerts and Warnings

I've put up more artwork.
In other art news, I up and started a wave of Ambigrams. Here's a sneak peek at what's in store. A rough sketch to be sure. I'm currently working on "Robot" and a double inversion that reads "Zombie", and then "Robot" when flipped. Or maybe "ZombieS" and RobotS" depending on how it all works out. It makes my brain sweaty to work on these, but it's like a cool puzzle to solve.
I wish I was actually way tiny and lived inside a full sized robot duplicate of myself so I could hide inside and do artwork while my gollum acted out daily life. There would be problems, of course. All my original artwork wouldn't be much bigger than 3 or 4 inches and I'd need a really good teeny tiny scanner to get big print outs. Which means I'd have to get Apple to make a tiny computer for me. And lighting would be a problem, what with all the heat from the bulbs. My robot's farts would smell like tungsten and copper.