tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69779584065380957572024-02-07T05:41:16.127-08:00Robot Loves ZombieRobot Loves Zombie is pretty much what you get when you combine two things that are already awesome and they form something more awesome than the sum of the awesome of the two awesome things as measured separately. In that regard, it is NOT unlike combining naked chicks and mullets.ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.comBlogger152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-6622093954077368052015-10-20T11:18:00.002-07:002015-10-21T11:22:56.494-07:00Picasso At The Mall: A Touch of Mullet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Although their meteoric rise and fall in the late summer
of 1986 left <a href="http://robotloveszombie.blogspot.com/2014/04/picasso-at-malls-self-titled-first-album.html" target="_blank">Picasso at the Mall</a> in tatters, they soon realized that they were
better off torturing each other than being boring and morose alone. MothB0t had
started a moderately successful Tupperware business, with a stable of three
sales people below him. He was paying the bills, but no amount of leftovers kept
fresh in the refrigerators of his customers could fill the creative void in his
heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Meanwhile, Dekx lost his life savings "playing the
stock market," which was actually one of those oversized slot machines
that takes silver dollars you see near the exit of a lot of casinos. While
$73.56 may not have seemed like a lot of money to most people, the loss was
catastrophic for Dekx's psyche. He began gently but steadily banging his head
with a 2 x 4 he found in an empty lot, just to feel something other than
self-hatred.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In 1988 they ran into each other in an Amway recruitment
meeting. They immediately fell into a kerfuffle, breakdance battling until both
of them had sustained multiple self-inflicted injuries and could no longer
continue. At the emergency room they mended both their torn ligaments and their
relationship. They immediately started writing new music.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Their reunion gave PatM a new energy which was captured
perfectly in their second album, A Touch of Mullet. Eschewing their previous
eclectic sound, A Touch of Mullet was raw bravado, cool guy persona, and
lazers. Dekx, still hearkening back to his roots while keeping up with current
trends, got a Shumway Death Ray model AK-eytar, but MothB0t moved from melodica
to synth drums, having crafted a unique style bopping on various sizes of
Tupperware in his free time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Using MothB0t's Tupperware network, PatM played a string
of house parties in the Reno/Sparks, NV area, quickly garnering a reputation
for mediocre talent and even mediocrer stage presence. What would have been
their first single if they had ever received any radio time, Rising Sun
Headband, did get somebody to dance for a few seconds. In what may have been
his saddest moment, MothB0t made out with a woman to his own love song,
Roundhouse to The Heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Their most popular song was a deep cut from A Touch of
Mullet - between Lambo Libido and Sex Ninja, Love Shuriken - called Corpse
Fucker. A soaring, inspirational, Transformers: The Motion Picture
Soundtrack-inspired song, Corpse Fucker immediately became popular with the 15
or 20 people who heard it. Because of the heavily robot-augmented vocals,
listeners were unaware that they were championing a necrophilia anthem for the
ages. This led to PatM making the national news. It also led to them going into
hiding. In their VH1: Behind The Music episode, they revealed that "going into hiding" mainly just
entailed them staying home and playing a fuckload of Super Mario Bros. 3.</div>
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Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-78583889110293614112014-07-22T08:50:00.001-07:002014-07-22T08:50:52.558-07:00New Basement Jaxx Video!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp_0aJqCBT3OVrBX9-WY8A8ICMAdI6KsdlN2pyB5DL_2QjKuXsGnSdZ5U85JEo5rQdsaB5PxyX62jRpz3dV3cUt_u3Ls8iOfcjvMmB1YvAryYB1lalAXbzIeaHA-2Rvk1ShfVOHfqfdpH5/s1600/JAXX1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp_0aJqCBT3OVrBX9-WY8A8ICMAdI6KsdlN2pyB5DL_2QjKuXsGnSdZ5U85JEo5rQdsaB5PxyX62jRpz3dV3cUt_u3Ls8iOfcjvMmB1YvAryYB1lalAXbzIeaHA-2Rvk1ShfVOHfqfdpH5/s1600/JAXX1.jpg" height="240" width="640" /></a></div>
New Video from Basement Jaxx, Featuring a delightful Twerk-Bot designed to save a world which has forgotten how to dance!<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0eS3zC3Jco">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0eS3zC3Jco</a><br />
<br />ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-55649118064774517382014-06-25T21:06:00.002-07:002014-06-25T21:08:13.221-07:00Chakakhanistani Horoscopy<i>RLZ Note: This is part 1 in a 11 part series by guest blogger and long-time friend, Gaelvin (check out his Deviant Art page <a href="http://gaelvin.deviantart.com/" target="_blank">here</a>.). It may behoove you to check out our post on <a href="http://robotloveszombie.blogspot.com/2009/01/important-memo-from-leaders-of.html" target="_blank">Chakakhanistan's conversion to metric time</a> prior to reading this.</i><br />
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<b>The Scientific Pseudo-Art of Horoscopy As practiced in the Sovereign Religio-State of Chakakhanistan</b><br />
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Let us begin by defining a few useful terms.<br />
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<b>Horoscopy </b>is the study of Constellations and Heavenly Bodies, and their influences on the lives (and deaths) of human beings and other sentient life-forms. Someone who practices Horoscopy is known as an <b>Astrologizer</b>, and when they give a reading they are said to <b>Astrologize</b>.<br />
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A <b>Constellation </b>is a grouping of stars which portrays a person, creature or object from Chakakhanistani folk history. As the only nation which has embraced <b><a href="http://robotloveszombie.blogspot.com/2009/01/important-memo-from-leaders-of.html" target="_blank">Metric Time</a></b>, Chakakhanistani Horoscopy recognizes ten Zodetric Signs.<br />
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<b>The Zodetre</b> is the array of ten Deadly Constellations, individually known as <b>Zodetric Signs</b>, or <b>Death Signs</b>. The ten Death Signs are: Zombie; Robot; Running With Scissors; Radioactive Dinosaur; Flipped-out Ninja; Surly Pirate; Gaucho; DeLorean; Sharktopus; and Giant Shark.<br />
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<b>The Heavenly Bodies</b> are the ten <b>Planets of Doom</b>, or <b>Doomworlds</b>, and <b>Uber-Hawt Chicks</b>. While Uber-Hawt Chicks are random variables, and thus unknowable, the ten Doomworlds are known to be the following: the Moon; Mars; Neptune; Pluto; Antichthon, or the Counter-Earth; Monstrator; Elvera; Nemesis; Planet X; and Xena. In proper Horoscopic parlance, a Heavenly Body is said to be in your Death Sign's <b>Hiz-ous</b>.<br />
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It is well known to Chakakhanistanis that the Horoscopic circumstances on the date of one's death are far more important than those of one's birth. The date on which one will die has a profound influence on one's entire previous life, and can even define one's former personality.<br />
Accordingly, each Zodetric Sign possesses a list of personality traits attributed to those whose deaths will fall under it. In combination with the influence of the Heavenly Bodies, a Horoscopic Reading may be utilized to determine important events in one's life which will lead inexorably to one's ultimate, and deserved demise.<br />
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When first confronted with Horoscopy as practiced in Chakakhanistan, most foreigners have a number of similar questions.<br />
<b>Q:</b> How do I learn my Zodetric Sign if I don't know when I'm going to die?<br />
<b>A:</b> There are two ways to determine the sign under which your death will occur. First you can consult an Astrologizer who has been trained and certified by the <b>Chakakhanistani Institute of Religio-Sciences</b>, and have a proper reading. But in a pinch, you can consult a <b><a href="http://www.bgfl.org/bgfl/custom/resources_ftp/client_ftp/ks1/maths/dice/ten.htm" target="_blank">Decahedral Randomizer</a></b> and the following Zodetric Table:<br />
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1: Zombie<br />
2: Robot<br />
3: Running With Scissors<br />
4: Radioactive Dinosaur<br />
5: Flipped-out Ninja<br />
6: Surly Pirate<br />
7: Gaucho<br />
8: DeLorean<br />
9: Sharktopus<br />
10: Giant Shark<br />
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<img height="320" src="https://scontent-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/t1.0-9/223351_219399838072549_224881_n.jpg" width="320" /><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Here are displayed the Constellations of the Chakakhanistani Zodetre. Can you name them all?</span><br />
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<b>Q:</b> What do the different Zodetric Signs represent?<br />
<b>A:</b> The simple answer is that they represent ten ways, and the only ten ways, in which all sentient life-forms will meet their demise. The more complex answer involves the personality traits associated with the individual Signs; a list too lengthy for the present discussion. However, the <b>CIR-S</b> will soon publish a complete guide to Chakakhanistani Horoscopy which will list these important details.<br />
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<b>Q:</b> In what way does the presence of a Heavenly Body in my Sign's Hiz-ous effect my Horoscopic Reading?<br />
<b>A: </b>As has been said before, Uber-Hawt Chicks are far too random to predict. All that is known for certain is that their presence in the Hiz-ous serves to hasten one's ultimate demise.<br />
The Planets, on the other hand, have the clear and predictable effect of modifying the related Zodetric Sign in accordance with the Planet's nature. The following is a list of the Planets acknowledged by the <b>CIR-S</b> to have Horoscopic effects and their corresponding natures. For convenience, they are also listed with numbers so that a Decahedral Randomizer may be consulted by the lazy or miserly.<br />
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1: The Moon (Insane/Crazy or Were-)<br />
2: Mars (Martian)<br />
3: Neptune (Aquatic/SCUBA)<br />
4: Pluto (Cartoon)<br />
5: Antichthon, or the Counter-Earth (Invisible)<br />
6: Monstrator (Giant)<br />
7: Elvera (Tiny/Fun-Size)<br />
8: Nemesis (Evil Twin)<br />
9: Planet X (Explosive/Exploding)<br />
10: Xena (Amazon/Femenazi)<br />
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<b>Q:</b> How do I describe my Horoscopic Reading?<br />
<b>A: </b>A basic Horoscopic Reading consists of your Zodetric Sign accompanied by the modifier(s) corresponding to the Planet(s) in the Hiz-ous.<br />
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For instance, one might say that they will die under the Sign of the Surly Cartoon Pirate, or the Evil Twin Running With Scissors.<br />
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It is also possible to have multiple Planets in the Hiz-ous, sometimes referred to as a House Party. For instance, the Invisible Giant Shark's Evil Twin, or the Martian Amazon Gaucho.<br />
<br />Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-8896035350934444032014-04-24T08:02:00.000-07:002014-04-24T10:28:18.872-07:00Picasso at the Mall<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigwr_P_lcny0Xa8MdasnpD_RRW1qzBGg8r8RxgYddoVwCUnekujdPeRJ4TB_4qgFhI6Mo-zC2YOYIMsujLt84T1Y8kS8jczaWuJYqXKEo5ipoTxK2NSKVVbED3Vim04R-SqC9BmCvEXEk/s1600/PicassoAtTheMall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigwr_P_lcny0Xa8MdasnpD_RRW1qzBGg8r8RxgYddoVwCUnekujdPeRJ4TB_4qgFhI6Mo-zC2YOYIMsujLt84T1Y8kS8jczaWuJYqXKEo5ipoTxK2NSKVVbED3Vim04R-SqC9BmCvEXEk/s1600/PicassoAtTheMall.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picasso at the Mall's self-titled first album.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Picasso at the Mall were a synthpop band formed in Reno, NV in May of 1986. They were one of the most successful bands in the region, citing diverse influences like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKWbMJOIkUk" target="_blank">Kajagoogoo</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXWBeWf185E" target="_blank">UB40</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tc1IphRx1pk" target="_blank">Grace Jones</a> and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1knO1Ip9oEg" target="_blank">Winger</a>. Picasso at the Mall's lineup consisted of MothB0t on lead <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdbvEjwrPsI" target="_blank">melodica</a> and lead vocals, and Dekx on lead keyboards and lead vocals.<br />
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MothB0t's tenacious, syncopated, freestyle scale- and music theory-ignoring blitzkrieg melodica playing instantly drew attention to the group's debut performance at the Organ Trail keyboard and organ store in the upper level of the Olde Town Mall, where the duo worked as salesmen. However it was Dekx's unique 13 keyboard setup and blistering Bossa Nova Demo Mode rotation which kept passersby enthralled for minutes at a time.<br />
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In August of 1986 Picasso at the Mall outgrew the narrow confines of organ sales-based roots synth. They<br />
began what would have been a three-coffee shop tour of the Reno/Sparks area. Their first and last gig on that tour was cut drastically short when PatM found out that ten minutes was allotted to each act, not each person. The ensuing altercation with the guy who ran the open mic at Coffee 'n' Things resulted in substantial damage to 12 of Dekx's 13 keyboards and MothB0t's real nice rayon shirt.<br />
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Realizing that the band was at its zenith, Picasso at the Mall chose to part ways in September of 1986. MothB0t would go on to become a session musician playing the melodica with some of the biggest acts of the 90s including Semisonic, Matchbox 20, Snow, and whoever the fuck did Roll to Me.<br />
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Dekx got a Vegetable Science degree at Dar'yll and Moon's Vegetable Science Academy somewhere in the Balkan Peninsula, where he still works doing vegetable science. Mostly on vegetables.<br />
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In April of 2014 Picasso at the Mall started making headlines again due to a legal altercation with fart-rock band, Nickleback. So-called vocalist Chad Kroeger, in a March 22nd interview cited Picasso at the Mall as his number one musical influence. PatM's lawyers sprang into action, immediately suing Kroeger for slander, libel and defamation of character. The court case rapidly devolved into a shouting match when Picasso at the Mall realized that they only got ten minutes for the entire defense team and not ten minutes per defendant.Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-18051151247028487892014-03-17T19:45:00.001-07:002014-03-17T19:45:15.069-07:00In Space, No one can hear you...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrOxs-EGH6VKsqbn8-DUq5fhXAAIkC04ytFGquE0pZzNZZ8dBav8EerBqz5drwztJX3Wdph_SOVWpcxQCDQwkq08UFQOv4Q-LQg4HiKSrnGJvqWAdCSWODlgDCfwvPnTtWoFejRASduCWi/s1600/Ortiz-Alien-emma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrOxs-EGH6VKsqbn8-DUq5fhXAAIkC04ytFGquE0pZzNZZ8dBav8EerBqz5drwztJX3Wdph_SOVWpcxQCDQwkq08UFQOv4Q-LQg4HiKSrnGJvqWAdCSWODlgDCfwvPnTtWoFejRASduCWi/s1600/Ortiz-Alien-emma.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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<div style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">
"Don't get me wrong. I love Ortiz's Alien poster, but am I the only one who sees goatse?"</div>
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">
Nope You're not the only one. We see it too.</div>
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">
Original: Randy Ortiz</div>
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Goatse Remix: Sour</div>
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<div style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">
Good night and sleep tight.</div>
ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-86804671479495006642013-12-26T12:32:00.000-08:002013-12-26T12:32:07.498-08:00Watch me Robo Shake It!<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2zaGjZTCbI#t=53" target="_blank">Enthiran video song Irumbile Oru Idhayam</a>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-39553589756811940142013-07-29T21:21:00.000-07:002013-07-29T21:21:19.542-07:00Daft Punk Re-Mixes<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some Daft Punk remixes I felt I had to do. There are more ideas than there are minutes to Photoshop.</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/154/d/8/chipsdaft_by_mothbot-d67prz9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/154/d/8/chipsdaft_by_mothbot-d67prz9.jpg" width="318" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2013/148/d/4/midnight_cowbot_by_mothbot-d66yi5a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2013/148/d/4/midnight_cowbot_by_mothbot-d66yi5a.jpg" width="404" /></a></div>
<br />ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-28601150219091348522013-07-09T17:29:00.002-07:002013-07-09T17:29:32.339-07:00Awesome Powered Suit ad<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18t8wfxykpwmnjpg/ku-xlarge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18t8wfxykpwmnjpg/ku-xlarge.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://gizmodo.com/this-crazy-exoskeleton-suit-gives-schoolgirls-or-anyon-705781992">Power Suit!</a><br />
ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-25291740340102261712013-06-24T12:09:00.000-07:002013-06-24T12:09:02.540-07:00The Backwater Gospel and Pearce Sisters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/vVkDrIacHJM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Mqi5ol2TjKI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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A pair of little Ghoulish animated films! Have fun!ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-53688560440067297532012-08-29T22:31:00.003-07:002012-08-29T22:31:58.415-07:00Evil-Lyn Zombie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/190/e/6/battle_artist_zombie_evil_lyn_by_mothbot-d56jfw2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/190/e/6/battle_artist_zombie_evil_lyn_by_mothbot-d56jfw2.jpg" width="460" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />A zombified Evil-Lyn, corrupted by her own spells in her pursuit of power. Once unleashed, this magic plague swept across Eternia, destroying all life in its path.</span>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-57150803148423303852012-02-26T01:12:00.001-08:002012-04-11T09:30:18.974-07:00I watch em so you don't have to! Zombies from around the worldWent on a bit of a foreign zombie kick. La Horde from France, REC from Spain, and Rammbock:Berlin Undead from Germany.<br />
It probably goes without saying that <b>REC</b> is the best of the bunch. I must confess that I saw the American re-make "Quarantine" first and actually liked it. But REC managed to be creepier and better. The sense of claustrophobia is almost overwhelming. Shot in a real apartment building with actors who had limited foreknowledge of their fate, REC piles terror upon terror. Even the moments where the reporter and her cameraman find a place to rest are almost perfect examples of sustained tension. As with all these films, I did have a bit of trouble reading subtitles during the more intense scenes. But with REC, I often found myself forgetting to read for much longer stretches as I was just too wrapped up with the fear!
4 brains out of a possible 5<br />
<b> La Horde</b> is set in a small city in France. Criminals and cops get stuck trying to escape an overrun building together. My favorite thing about La Horde has to be all the brutal hand to hand combat with zombies. Most films show a bit of mele and then it all becomes guns and quick blows to the head. But there are some frightfully violent scenes where zombies are getting the shit kicked out of them by crazed gangsters or cops pushed to their breaking points. The movie does tend to leap from this gritty reality into almost cartoon levels of chaos that can suddenly take you out of the moment. But I still enjoyed it.
3 brains out of a possible 5<br />
<b> Rammbock</b> is a bit more low key than La Horde. But instead of heavily armed cops and gangsters, we have an apartment block full of regular citizens scrambling through attics and fighting their very family and neighbors for survival. In some ways , this is the most lighthearted of the three with odd moments of silliness, but well balanced with heavy scenes of watching people slowly break down from the pressures of being trapped with zombie loved ones.
3 brains out of a possible 5.<br />
I recommend all three of the flicks which is a new thing for me. I'm loading up the Netflix queue with a whole new round of zombie movies, most of which I'm hoping will be terrible, and I'll watch them so you don't have to.ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-79467281677289379402012-01-18T00:19:00.000-08:002012-01-18T00:20:04.841-08:00Helen Keller in Space<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh-tt0h1-SPBsy7mhk5GuJgNuS0YSU1crrMNEPYKSN3QbjxulK2PVYnRUkTbhqqMxyJKXMjTClbxhQlRWPraBe06Nun3n_vsqrlI-fuPN2jyzhRQrS_v6kDKXbYatp4W184Jmw__qFcmWy/s1600/helen-keller.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh-tt0h1-SPBsy7mhk5GuJgNuS0YSU1crrMNEPYKSN3QbjxulK2PVYnRUkTbhqqMxyJKXMjTClbxhQlRWPraBe06Nun3n_vsqrlI-fuPN2jyzhRQrS_v6kDKXbYatp4W184Jmw__qFcmWy/s320/helen-keller.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In space, No one can hear Helen Keller scream.</span></div>
<br />ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-25360648747363452592011-11-30T22:33:00.001-08:002011-12-05T22:09:58.845-08:00X-MAS Update 2011<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpuiq7jTIdR5PlNcrtmZu9i9sA7mbTJb9DSF574wYu9ZFXBcbkClWrhOPKZb0Bf0HGE93UzHb672ysaE4wJCLvyf5zWVwjx7bPaEMOxV9KG-oRu3KUhCK_0x4ZPpb76liXExQz87Iu3znf/s1600/santa-spray.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpuiq7jTIdR5PlNcrtmZu9i9sA7mbTJb9DSF574wYu9ZFXBcbkClWrhOPKZb0Bf0HGE93UzHb672ysaE4wJCLvyf5zWVwjx7bPaEMOxV9KG-oRu3KUhCK_0x4ZPpb76liXExQz87Iu3znf/s320/santa-spray.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS!!!</div>
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2011 Christmas update and reminder to Chakakahnistan's rules regarding Christmas. Previously Posted</div>
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1. No Christmas sales and such until the week before Christmas.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">New Exception for 2011!!!!</span></div>
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Wal-Mart can have Black Friday riots whenever they want! Watching a bunch of desperate and stupid cheapskates stampede, pepper spray and bludgeon each other was like an early christmas present. Whoa! Nothing like seeing Capitalism and Darwinism working together.</div>
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2. No Christmas carols until December 23rd. Seriously! A couple of local radio stations started playing christmas songs not long after Halloween. 24-7 craptacular crap.</div>
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3. During the allowed Christmas season, there are only about 10 or 20 accepted christmas carols that can be played. Most likely if it's one you really like and have loved ever since you had to sing it for 3rd grade christmas pageant, then it's not allowed. </div>
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4. The "Official" Christmas Carols of Chakakahnistan: White Christmas sung by Bing Crosby or Little Drummer Boy sung by Crosby and David Bowie. All country, hip-hop, or rock versions of Christmas Carols are NOT ALLOWED!</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">4-A. Last Christmas by Wham and The Christmas in Africa fundraiser song are acceptable to MOTHbot but not to Dekx. Be careful which one of us you are closest to when you start humming one of these.</span></div>
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7. The official Movie of Christmas will be "Apocalypse Now". The second official movie will be "A Christmas Story". No Exceptions. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">These are to be watched non-stop, simultaneously, around the clock from Dec 23rd to Dec 26th. Anyone found not watching will be found guilty of treason.</span></div>
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8. Santa Claus will be played by either Marlon Brando, Harvey Keitel or Chuck D.</div>
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9. Every friday will be "Wicked Awful Christmas Sweater Day" Acceptable clothing will consist of only the most horrible of sweaters with christmas kittens, penguins, nativity scenes, and puppies. Even better if it's a nativity scene with cats and a baby jesus-kitten. The uglier the better.</div>
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We'll update when we come up with more rules. And remember: the penalty for violating any of these rules is death. Now, SUBMIT!!!</div>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-28286506754598595752011-08-24T00:54:00.000-07:002011-08-24T00:57:37.012-07:00Questionnaire Extraordinaire!I couldn't find if I ever posted this, but here's me filling out what is supposedly a Scientology quiz.<br />
All answers seem to be even truer now than they were back in 2008.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever enslaved a population?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> Yes. Right now I am lord and Master of the entire population of the Holy,<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> free-roaming, city-nation-<wbr style="line-height: 1.22em;"></wbr>state-corporatio<wbr style="line-height: 1.22em;"></wbr>n of Chakakahnistan. If I can see<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> you or hear you, or think about you hard enough, you are my slave. I also<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> have two cats.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> <br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever debased a nation's currency?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> Yes. Right now the Chakakahnistan Drachmah is way more valuable than the US<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> Dollar because I caused China. One of the few things not made in China, is<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> China. Cuz I made it here in America and sent it to China.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever killed the wrong person?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> Yes. But, like many of my choices in life, I make it right by force of will.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> So if I kill someone, there is bound to be someone somewhere who wanted them<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> dead for reasons of vengance or money owed. I think more people should thank<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /> me.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Edward-Two-Tongues. He was choking on the extra tongue and needed it<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />removed STAT!.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever been a professional critic?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Here's an excerpt from the Chakakahnistan'<wbr style="line-height: 1.22em;"></wbr>s weekly news magazine, The<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Weekly Chaka:"This quiz sucks. Scientology Sucks. Hubbard's old sci-fi novels are second<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />rate at best."<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />I gots paid for that.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever wiped out a family?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. I had roaches once. I was chasing a big fat momma with her egg sack.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />When she died, the egg pod popped off and all these little white roachey<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />babies were squirming around on the floor. I sprayed them too.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Didn't really have to try. It's pretty much overrated as it is. A few<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />doctored photos of Sanity in the arms of another man, and Sanity's good<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />name was all but obliterated.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. I like to hump my printer.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Both. I invented uranium.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever made love to a dead body?<br />
Yes. I fucked L-Ron Hubbards dead ass once, and I regularly fuck zombies.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever engaged in piracy?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">Yes. According to the RIAA I've stolen too many songs off the internet.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever been a pimp?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">Yes. Hell Yes.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever eaten a human body?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Wait. The whole thing? I didn't finish it because I'd just got done<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />eating a koala bear<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. I stabbed your momma's eyes out with my dick. She still looks alright I guess.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever exterminated a species?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. I need the practice for when I wipe out humanity with Robots and Zombies.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever been a professional executioner?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. It's the title on my card. I also perform back-alley abortions for a small fee.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you given robots a bad name?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />HELL NO! I love robots and would never do anything to hurt them.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever set a booby trap?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Caught 5 boobies in it. Somewhere out there, there's some hot chick<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />with only one booby.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Only because he said he needed to think our relationship over. He said<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />'it wasn't me, it was him' and all that shit, but that was enough for me to<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />leave him to the cold dead embrace of outer space.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you driven anyone insane?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Yes we have.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Is anybody looking for you?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Your momma is. She wants me up in her again tonight.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever set a poor example?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Children should not listen to me unless I'm teaching them ways of<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />getting away with a crime.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Hell Yes. Several evil purposes.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Are you in hiding?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Hiding in Reno.<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" /><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you systematically set up mysteries?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Now go to city hall and find a package in the tank of the third stall<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />in the ladyies room. It will reveal something new about Jesus.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. If by practice, you mean career or habit, then yes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. I think therefore I shall think some more.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />• Have you ever gone crazy?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. 32 time today and counting. Going there isn't the problem. I'm looking<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />for a way to stay.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. For insurance purposes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. I just sold all of Josh's fambly into white slavery. Even the ones he likes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever smothered a baby?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Once with lava, and another time with pure hate.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Do you deserve to have any friends?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Someone has to keep these pig fuckers in line and put them down when<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />they get out of hand.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever castrated anyone?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. Verbally. I was calling a guy some bad names and his balls just dropped off. Now he can't have babies.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Do you deserve to be enslaved?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. By robots.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. This one.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever zapped anyone?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes. There's always someone you can talk into putting a 9-volt on their </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">tongue.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?<br style="line-height: 1.22em;" />Yes and Yes. Brazilian porn Baby! No Condoms!!! Wooooooooo!!<wbr style="line-height: 1.22em;"></wbr>!!!</span>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-80235923508179506512011-06-21T16:42:00.000-07:002011-06-21T16:42:03.229-07:00Up Yours Twitter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibJL1LhfJk_nNm3mgIZYsDK_TnO5eVGvuaLRPTM7jso5ybuVojTLaPNqRv7cBsrYAx1aU74tm7wD_geXYEBcVmghHzXBit7qh871hKXrcJZWjaP_FGVQ0x7SPytuBwOXf5pPuYLXOsYOjj/s1600/office-predator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibJL1LhfJk_nNm3mgIZYsDK_TnO5eVGvuaLRPTM7jso5ybuVojTLaPNqRv7cBsrYAx1aU74tm7wD_geXYEBcVmghHzXBit7qh871hKXrcJZWjaP_FGVQ0x7SPytuBwOXf5pPuYLXOsYOjj/s320/office-predator.jpg" width="155" /></a></div><br />
I just noticed in our sidebar that the last time Dekx or I put anything on Twatter was 666 days ago. Thanks for being there for us.<br />
Pope Zombius the 5th thinks we are lazy sinners. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilukmDuELlk_hDPIPxStkLTzc7HGt1EJtB5AXiIeTxa2aw1hNp_gcrzx3WhNlTTY2wUSv4gSp_ulgMgLi4Qd8gFfWwvPLbm8N7FXFxACwVAH0qaR55aM7F_M2VLaxFwi3KBvCxQgw7dYY9/s1600/pope_zombius_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilukmDuELlk_hDPIPxStkLTzc7HGt1EJtB5AXiIeTxa2aw1hNp_gcrzx3WhNlTTY2wUSv4gSp_ulgMgLi4Qd8gFfWwvPLbm8N7FXFxACwVAH0qaR55aM7F_M2VLaxFwi3KBvCxQgw7dYY9/s400/pope_zombius_5.jpg" width="308" /></a></div>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-7405887440963691692011-06-14T13:20:00.000-07:002011-06-14T13:20:02.593-07:00My Girlfriend is Nearly Complete<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ro3SZ-Utg0s?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Just a few more tweaks and a weapons system an she's good to go.ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-60710548346550966262010-12-15T18:11:00.000-08:002010-12-15T19:15:39.068-08:00ComplimentoneWe here at RLZ recognize, as most of you probably have, that sometimes people cannot tell when somebody is giving a compliment. Often this is because a poor choice of wording gets misinterpreted as a personal attack or there is some variation between what two people consider to be a compliment. The difference between Chakakhanistan's ingenious and valiant, benevolent leaders and you lazy savages is that we care enough to do something about it. Therefore vis a vis e pluribus unum sic semper tyranus, The Chakakhanistan Quango of Speech and Cultural Maladjustment is pleased to introduce Complimentone.<div><br /></div><div>The Good News: Complimentone completely removes discretion, the necessity for social skills and interpretation of any kind regarding compliments.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Bad News: For the third time in as many weeks you will have to have your auxiliary voice box replaced in order to make the sounds which comprise Complimentone. This new spectrum of speech will make it physically impossible for the receiver's brain to interpret the statement as anything but a compliment. CQSCM understands that this may be inconvenient and increase hospital grade infections, however we appreciate your cooperation in this newest endeavor. We have every faith that Complimentone will prove more useful than Whoeversmeltitdealtitone and Don'tanswerthisquestionhonestlytone.</div><div><br /></div><div>To represent Complimentone in text form, simply change the font color to teal, underline it, bold it, italicize it, and write, "COMPLIMENTONE" before and after the statement.</div><div><br /></div><div>Following are some phrases which are well suited to Complimentone that will be immediately integrated into everyday speech now that the speaker's intention will be clear.</div><div><br /></div><div><ol><li><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>COMPLIMENTONE Hey now, sexy bitch, you KNOW I dig a chunky dumper. COMPLIMENTONE</i></b></span></li><li><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span">COMPLIMENTONE Damn, lady, you're one of the sexiest 'cept'er heads I have ever seen. COMPLIMENTONE</span></i></b></li><li><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span">COMPLIMENTONE I have never been more attracted to a short, fat, balding, red-headed man in my entire life. COMPLIMENTONE</span></i></b></li><li><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span">COMPLIMENTONE It's ok you finished in 30 seconds dear, that way I know you'll never cheat on me! COMPLIMENTONE</span></i></b></li></ol><div>See? It's easy! The Servitorship for Phsyical Violence and Square Dancing is not happy about what will certainly be a steep decline in physical violence, however the CQSCM feels that the SPVSD will see an even steeper rise in square dancing since so many people will be appreciating compliments which would otherwise have caused strife and an environment clearly not conducive to square dancing.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>The Priestery of Mandatory Surgery has already deployed surgeons to your homes. Please eat the six pills your replicator just provided. Be careful! You only have six seconds after ingestion and then you will be enveloped in the inky embrace of medically induced coma. See you on the other side!</div><div><br /></div><div>Sincerely,</div><div>Dekx McViolence "The Shank" Stabbenheimer</div><div>Glorious Co-Overlord and All-Around Agent of Chaos of Chakakhanistan</div>Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-52368269048680933992010-09-08T21:42:00.000-07:002010-09-08T21:59:50.029-07:00Movie Pitch to Our Friend Hollywood<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Hey Hollywood! While you're out remaking everything 80's, I found one you missed. Now, just hear me out. From terrible Dukes of Hazard, to a really fun A-Team, you've covered a lot of ground. I'm looking forward to Tron, and we'll just agree to disagree on those craptastic Transformers movies, but this is the big fish you didn't capture. We even wrote a script to make it easy. Me and Dekx will direct of course. So here it is. You ready? <div>Ok Ok Ok!</div><div>ALF.</div><div>Yeah! ALF. Everyone's favorite alien life form from Melmac. But we'll darken it up for modern audiences, so he be out for revenge on the Tanners. You see, the series ended on a bad note for ALF. The Tanners dropped him off on the side of the road so he could be picked up my other dudes from Melmac, but instead, the Army showed up and took him away. Fast forward 20+ years and ALF escapes, but he's not the friendly Gordon Shumway of old. No, this ALF is out for revenge. It's just like Kill Bill but with aliens, cats and crackwhores. Check out the poster!</div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 256px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-anHerSkdFi8kmpV-t8qMDZ_ygyoZ657QrDL38EcF-WVPkqFYLc9DapXsY9QJmOj47SrZKDeLxgLoBPt1C1dGnh9BqSIOZIkH5GcCBng-Dq1Nsc4vEJMvvT920gDLboT1jWgwKYX7001V/s400/project-shumway_low.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5514771940192710162" /></div><div>Let us know when you want to see the script. Dekx had some cool ideas involving slow motion gun fights in a trench coat factory with doves flying and shit and we had some stuff with ALF eating cats and making little children cry. It's friggin' awesome!</div><div><br /></div><div>Have your robots call our robots.</div><div>Moth</div><div><br /></div>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-69073774320827694282010-08-23T12:03:00.000-07:002010-08-23T12:11:12.878-07:00Stand and Salute<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0iHeJPKmA-y4mO_vfcd86k5YYJJNMplQTlbLfPk8we4R0K41dfqEMYpbpt3qYz-ygtKsu_19aH2NdfUosN488lGnYugI4OlqTCP4gRiJLH9mUVZ75dTcp1-Bu14KUR_QdS6HNBt1_lSgF/s1600/day2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0iHeJPKmA-y4mO_vfcd86k5YYJJNMplQTlbLfPk8we4R0K41dfqEMYpbpt3qYz-ygtKsu_19aH2NdfUosN488lGnYugI4OlqTCP4gRiJLH9mUVZ75dTcp1-Bu14KUR_QdS6HNBt1_lSgF/s400/day2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508684539261125330" border="0" /></a><br /><img src="file:///C:/Users/leikerg/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot.png" alt="" />Bub from Day of the Dead knows. Here in Chakakahnistan, we think that having only one national anthem is pretty pathetic. It leaves you singing about outdated concepts that haven't applied to your country for 50+ years and no one wants to learn the words. We like to keep it simple and fun and mix things up a bit. Another variation on our glorious national anthem brought to you by the Youtubes. So put your National Pride dress on and sing along.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twe0fwtfVUc&feature=player_embedded">Here</a>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-83327230664779992982010-07-21T23:10:00.000-07:002010-07-22T00:36:39.274-07:00I Watch 'em So You Don't Have To: part 2<div><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080057/">Zombi 2 (Zombie)</a>: </div><div>We are going to eat you. OK, there's no need for a real summary to this one. Let's snuggle up and get this started with a checklist of its awesome.</div><div>1. Hot nekkid European 80's Women.</div><div>2. Zombies</div><div>3. Zombie attacking hot nekkid 80's women and fighting a shark.</div><div>4. No real plot to speak of.</div><div>5. Did I mention the hot girls, and the zombie fighting a shark? Yeah. I know I did, but it's really important to the movie.</div><div>Right. This one is great, and an Italian classic.</div><div>I give it 3.5 brains out of 5</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096511/">Zombi 3:</a> Before we get too far into it and waste any time on this piece of garbage, let's just say that this movie is a piece of garbage. Oh wait, I already said that. Fulci got sick and stuff, and didn't complete this film, so other people wrote new scenes, had to hire new actors, and then tried to cram the two bits together. Let's do a checklist of the awful, and remember that this is not a complete list, because a complete list would require a boring and terrible retelling of the entire movie in excruciating detail.</div><div>1. Makes no sense. A populated hotel resort that is the site of an outbreak at the beginning of the film is suddenly an abandoned and run-down mess that looks like it hasn't seen people in years! </div><div>2. No plot.</div><div>3. Which makes it even worse that there's no hot nekkid chicks.</div><div>4. Scenes are shot in one place and then suddenly taking place somewhere completely different. No continuity.</div><div>5. Ugghhh. Just go watch it and see for yourself.</div><div>6. Oh, and only the shoddy zombie fights are the only redeeming feature of this film.</div><div>1 Brain out of 5 for old time sake, but I really want to give it, like, negative numbers or something.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081027/">Zombie Lake:</a></div><div>I'm torn again. This film is so bad that I want to give it negative brains. It's more like an old silent film with long stretches of annoying music and over staggering, overdone, craptacular acting. Redeeming qualities: Hot nekkid 80s chicks and zombie Nazis and lots of MST3K worthy moments including a fight scene where one zombie has to alpha male another zombie in the slowest, and silliest fight scene ever. Footage gets reused several times over. There's a scene where the crew is plainly visible in a giant mirror. Not just a quick glimpse, or tiny movement in a reflective surface that you can blink and miss. It's a giant wall mirror and you can see the camera guys walking in with the actor as plain as day for several seconds. And what the fuck time does this movie take place? One minute the zombies come crawling out of the lake to eat hot nekkid chicks and it's noon and the next scene the zombies are staggering around town in what is supposed to be night, and then it's broad daylight when the zombies stagger back to the lake. Heck, I think one sequence was: Zombies stagger into lake, zombies come back out, zombies go into lake, Wait, zombies are in the town now, zombies attack, zombies stagger back into lake. Oh, and during the underwater scenes, you can totally see that it's in a swimming pool.</div><div>The sheer stupidity, shoddy workmanship, sillyness, and number of hot nekkid 80's chicks earn it a brain that it really doesn't deserve.</div><div>1 brain out of 5</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Marker Felt'; font-size: medium; line-height: 20px; "><div><div><br /></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: normal; font-size: 16px; "><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399934/">Zombie Honeymoon:</a></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;">I've seen this one getting some bad reviews, but after Zombie Lake and Zombi 3, I actually enjoyed this one. Still pretty low budget, but it has some pretty decent acting, and some great zombie attacks as the zombie husband slowly changes into more and more of a vicious killing machine. The wife, played by Tracy Coogan, is super cute and when she gets worked up, she can't hide her sexy Irish accent. The scenes where the wife (Denise) has to sit in the house listening to the crunching and slurping noises of her husband eating was pretty cool and made me a little queasy, but in a good way. I've also read some critiques that the budget was so small that they could only afford to have one zombie, but in a way, that's like complaining that Alien only had one Alien in it. This movie has an interesting premise and some creative bits that don't require hordes of the undead.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;">I'll go a-head and give it 3.5 pretty damn good brains out of 5</span></span></div><div><br /></div></span></div>ExtremeNegativeForcehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10791574591649182951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-56600737297107455882010-06-03T12:32:00.000-07:002010-06-03T13:37:15.375-07:00There Can Be...Only One....In the beginning, a quarter century ago, there were many. Four of them joined forces and samurai swords to thwart their nemeses like Dana Plato and Gary Coleman and yes, even George Peppard. But there are no guarantees in life nor in death. They knew that their truce must eventually come to an end, that their own heads would one day roll. And so it was that eventually even the mighty fell in a head-chopped-off-by-a-samurai-sword kind of way. Where four used to rule, strict but fair and bushido-y, only one remains. She is immortal and no man can be her equal. She is...<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">THE GOLDEN HIGHLANDER!!<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCfdes7pS87rLAXo135cQ7cxkysLQwU3HoXThmJQ3DM2cWcezuEKJ9xcZRJi-JSycqVa48R3llhR-ajZTY051mRbYnrUA5lZpYq-WtU3nX95d3eZQ5pEgG1CSOV2iZomiQOumnbUpzA5Y/s1600/betty-white-highlander.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 309px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCfdes7pS87rLAXo135cQ7cxkysLQwU3HoXThmJQ3DM2cWcezuEKJ9xcZRJi-JSycqVa48R3llhR-ajZTY051mRbYnrUA5lZpYq-WtU3nX95d3eZQ5pEgG1CSOV2iZomiQOumnbUpzA5Y/s400/betty-white-highlander.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478636830805822658" border="0" /></a><br />Betty White is the <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/06/03/2010-06-03_golden_girls_star_rue_mcclanahan_dies_from_stroke_betty_white_last_surving_membe.html">sole remaining Golden Girl</a>. She is now powerful enough to face her one-time lover, Mr. T, in mortal combat. In Japan. On top of a hill. Crested with cherry blossoms. At dusk. Before the ocean. With a fire going. And maybe some s'mores beforehand. TO THE DEATH!!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxLWr_MGZdBaxXN_JNwt-17RqdM0ED1eEsu8jkD9n40KZtyr4uKfxL6qxENigojJhMdCDuWnElPnFbRAGr1Qhw69JRf3QTIMhBT4xnC8BEw1wjFs_Vdp2cW2UKQXT0NItdDnmmlhTJyng/s1600/TandB.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 278px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxLWr_MGZdBaxXN_JNwt-17RqdM0ED1eEsu8jkD9n40KZtyr4uKfxL6qxENigojJhMdCDuWnElPnFbRAGr1Qhw69JRf3QTIMhBT4xnC8BEw1wjFs_Vdp2cW2UKQXT0NItdDnmmlhTJyng/s320/TandB.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478637856060215090" border="0" /></a><br />Cue the Queen, bitches, it's ON!! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/cowJVBnMEqE&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/cowJVBnMEqE&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object></div>Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-73481741452605650392010-05-27T10:39:00.000-07:002010-05-27T10:55:33.740-07:00Dear Guy From Colombia<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" 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mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1107304683 0 0 159 0;} @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-alt:"Times New Roman"; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-size:10.0pt; mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">Dear Guy From Colombia,</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I don’t know how they do things in Colombia. I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ve</span> never been. But here in America we don’t chat while holding our peckers. It’s nothing personal. I’d happily chat with you if neither of us were holding our respective peckers. But we are. Both of us. Now is not the time for chatting. Now is the time for urinating, clearing our throats, maybe farting a bit, but most importantly <i>looking straight ahead</i>. Not for turning to face each other and asking strangely out of context questions like, “How do you like it on this half of the world?” I’m a multitasker so I understand the urge to get a few things done at once. However, and I’m sorry to belabor the point but it clearly bears repeating, when there are peckers out, multitasking stops and everything else waits. Lastly, when you’re done pissing and there’s an option, you turn <i>away</i> from the other guy still holding his pecker. It’s just how it’s done here. I’m sorry to be The Guy Who Tells The Foreigner How It’s Done In Am’rr’ca, but this isn’t offering drivers’ tests in multiple languages. It’s not being able to order McDonald’s in English. It’s not even deciding which parts of an animal should be eaten and which should be disposed of. This is pecker holding. And in the States we take that pretty seriously.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>
<br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Dekx</p> Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-76248331049163065092010-05-23T07:00:00.000-07:002010-05-23T07:00:03.577-07:00I Still Like Ska and You Should Be Glad #2I still like ska and you should be glad. I know, I know...Ska's out like Roller Disco and Macrame Plant Hangers. But the up-tempo dohdyoh doh doh of the rhythm section and the sassy doodleedoo of the horns make <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">The Rage</span></span> go away. It doesn't matter how terrible or horrific my day has been as long as I can come home to a ska version of <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Come On, Eileen</span> or a song about somebody that hates me. Honestly, there's nothing ska can't fix for me. And you should be glad....<br /><br />For instance, without ska, standing in line with you assholes would send me over the edge. I'd go on a terrible, terrible rampage, hurling you all to and fro all the live long day. You'd be the Lex Luthor to my Superman, the Bluto to my Popeye.<br /><br />Jeez, where to begin?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">BACK THE FUCK OFF!!</span><br /><br />Crowding me, lightly touching me, breathing on me, anything that sets off my Spider-sense is simply creating the <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">illusion</span> of getting your dumb ass through the line faster. I know you're loathe to admit it, I know it drives you insane, but when you're standing in line behind me <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">I CONTROL YOUR DESTINY....</span>DESTINY....destiny....<br /><br />There's a slim possibility that I'll use cash. Fuck with me and I'll use my card or a check. If you <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">really</span> piss me off I'll bust out my coupons just when you think your passive aggressive crowding and throat clearing has finally paid off.<br /><br />Are you ready for the Ultra Lightning Round Bazillion Dollar Fantasy Question? Guess who else has to stand in line at the grocery store, the DMV, the return counter at Target or the massive prison train your mom has every Friday night?<br /><br />DING DING DING!! That' correct, <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">EVERYONE!</span></span> Don, tell 'im what he's won!<br /><br />Well, Dekx, for winning the Ultra Lightning Round Bazillion Dollar Fantasy Question he gets your size 14 foot in his ass. That's right! It's time to kill him slowly with internal bleeding and a beating that would make the most hardened Crip to ever grace South Central really sit down and think about what he's done! Severe and malevolent beatings from <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">DekxCo!!</span><br /><br />By the way, you get no pity or special treatment from me just because you can't carry all of your groceries. There's no excuse for it. Just to get into the store you have to run a gauntlet of carts and baskets. If you're in such a fuckin' hurry, why don't you pick up a basket instead of dropping everything twice or having me jam a majority of said items up your ass?<br /><br />You do that, and I'll listen to ska instead of flaming whatever you have that's flammable or raping whatever you have that's rapeable.<br /><br />Now, where's that Reel Big Fish Cd?Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-48796380144445091432010-05-21T07:00:00.000-07:002010-05-21T07:00:01.841-07:00Reflections in Red #2There are some very few people in life that can always help you feel better about yourself. For some it comes as easily as breathing. There's just something about them that will always raise you above your problems. This is a rare breed indeed and I always feel lucky when I've found one.<br /><br />In fact, what's most peculiar about them is that you never know where one will pop up. The old fellow working as the doorman at the El Dorado, a hooker with a heart of gold, or your grandma, god rest her soul. Me? I found mine in a shabby blue house two doors down the alley from my sister's place.<br /><br />His name was Red and it was because of his hair. Red was never a cheerful man. He wasn't even pleasant. But he always had a way of making your day better....<br /><br />"Hey, Red, how's it going?"<br /><br />"Well, I ain't dead yet...."<br /><br />And that was Red for ya'. So what if you didn't do your homework or your parents didn't understand you? You weren't cursing god and angrily awaiting death. And that's really something.Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6977958406538095757.post-37576495125091452642010-05-19T07:00:00.001-07:002010-05-19T09:06:25.292-07:00KenNo, Ken, I'm gonna' call you "Ken" and you're gonna' like it. I'm getting you ready for the real world, Ken. You're gonna' finish high school, go to the local junior college, get a degree in accounting and get some subservient position at your bother-in-law's firm because you got your girlfriend from college knocked up and you had to find a stable job that would put food on the table. And you're going to walk into work in your poorly fitting polyester pants, your wrinkly-ass shirt and the tie you got for church when you were six and do you know what everyone's going to say to you?<br /><br />"Ken, good to see you!"<br /><br />"Ken, time for a new tie, buddy."<br /><br />"Ken, you want dibs on the last jelly doughnut?"<br /><br />"Hi, Ken, how's that little one of yours?"<br /><br />And you'll smile and greet these dimwits with the same feigned enthusiasm and carry your little brown lunch sack containing a sandwich made of the leftover meat loaf from last night's dinner to your desk and sit your inordinately huge ass in your ergonomically designed char at a desk with a name plate that simply says, "Ken." And seconds after you hoist your giant ass into your tailor-made cradle, your boss will walk up and say,<br /><br />"Hey, Ken! WHEW! I had a tie like that when I was 6. My mom made me wear it to church. Hahahahahaha.....Seriously, though, Ken, I need to talk to you about the Johnson account. It seems as though you forgot about the new filing system, Ken. If you need a little refresher on the training we had last week just let me know, Ken, because I got this great book about it. Ok, Ken, you have a good day!"<br /><br />And after you settle into the mind-boggling monotony of your shitty job you're going to get a call from your nagging wife who has been ruined forever by crapping out your ill-begotten son and she's gonna' say,<br /><br />"Ken, I need you to pick up some milk and eggs on your way home. Don't forget. Last time I asked you to stop by the store you didn't bring a single thing home. I'm tired of having to think for you, Ken."<br /><br />You'll cow down to your wife and give just the right tone of remorse to shut her fat fucking mouth up. Then you're going to go to the local dive after your day in purgatory and tie on one righteous bender, Ken. Because youre life will be shit. It'll be shit and you'll know it. You'll sit there and get hammered with some people you don't really know and reminisce about the days when life was a walk in the park. When your friends took care of you and you liked the girl you were fucking and everybody called you, "Kenny." That's what I'm getting you ready for, Ken, and you're gonna' fucking like it.Dekxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09633437910990376480noreply@blogger.com0