The Lost Histories of the Great and Glorious Nation Church State of Chakakahnistan Inc. Part the First

Vienna, Austria. 1808 AD
Ludwig Von Beethoven was between his 6th and 7th Symphonies. Napolean Bonepart was running around Europe and getting in fights. Knowing that Vienna was protected by Beethoven, Napoleon commissioned the design and construction of his fourth, and largest, Coal Powered-Automatic Soldier in hopes that he could conquer Vienna without any chance of resistance. Taken by suprise, much of the city was crushed by the giant metal feet of Napoleon's lumbering juggernaut. This destruction continued unabated for a few minutes because Beethoven couldn't hear all the screaming and crashing and simply wondered why all the stupid people were running around and making faces at him. But once he was properly notified by the city through use of the Beethoven signal flashing across the sky, Ludwig sprang into action. Swiftly he dashed through the streets of a terrified Vienna and spying the nearest piano through the smashed open wall of a family sitting room, Beethoven played the secret chords that allowed him to grow to considerable size. Beethoven found the robot closing in on the Schatzkammer where the royal jewels of the Hapsburg are kept. Napoleon wanted these to help finance his wars, and also because some of them would look stunning pinned to his jacket.
The fight raged for many hours, with only one restroom break, and one break for tea.
Beethoven won.
Demoralized, Napoleon next tried to invade Russia and that sorta failed too and led to his eventual defeat by all the other people that didn't like him. Napoleon's giant robot was last seen limping toward Poland.
Beethoven went on to write more symphonies and was the first to make contact with diplomats from another planet. He kicked their asses too.

The End