Monday, August 31, 2009

Disney Buying Marvel. MOTHbot is sad and doesn't understand why...

If I had written this earlier in the day, this would have been some asinine rant, wailing against the injustices of the world and all that. Now, I'm much more mellowed out. I realize that Disney is buying Marvel to target that male demographic that the Disney Princesses DVD just doesn't reach. I realize, as Dekx calmly reminded me, they won't go and neuter Marvel and gut the comic trying to make Wolverine as toddler friendly as possible. It's not like someone will call up Joe Q and tell him they need to find something less menacing, like bunnies, to pop out of Wolverine's knuckles.
On top of all that, I've always been a DC guy at heart. Don't get me wrong. I love comics of all stripes; but my favorites have always been Superman, Batman and DC's golden age heroes. Up until this last year or two, about the only golden age heroes that Marvel paid any attention to were Captain America and Namor.
But here's the thing. Marvel was like that one cool sexy chick at school that you still had the hots for and bought her sodas all the time and carried some of her books, and caught yourself staring at her cleavage even though you were sorta devoted in your mind to someone else. Well, some rich senior named Blaine (that's not a name, that's a major appliance!) who has his own car, and gets the house to himself all the time while his parents are in Aruba and has cool hair and all the cool clothes, just swooped in and is taking her to the prom. And you just know, you just feel it in your bones, that Blaine is going to use her and crush her spirit and leave her knocked up and half alive somewhere in the desert a few years later! Who is going to want her after Blaine has taken all that was good out of her and left her a shambling, diseased, stretch-marked wreck of a woman?
But, there is hope. That chick DC, you've always had a crush on? Well, she's been married to old man Warner for quite a few years, and you have to admit she's still pretty damn sexy! She's got great cartoons and Batman movies to die for, and still gets to do adult stuff like Vertigo...
Hopefully Disney will stick to the plan and let Marvel be Marvel and she can still do all the sexy things she's always done.

For full disclosure, when the deal goes through, I'll be getting a check from Disney/Marvel for around $400 and have some shiny new Disney stock for all my troubles. And then, I will own a piece of Blaine. Mmmmmmmmmmm, Blaine...


Thursday, August 27, 2009

5 Things I've Learned From the Movies...

1. A NUT PUNCH SHOULD NEVER BE DISABLING FOR MORE THAN PART OF THE SCENE: No matter how badly it hurts, you will recover in time to diffuse the bomb. If you don't recover, then you were not the main character anyway and you are clearly a supporting character in your own life. In this case, you are better-off dying in a fireball.

2. ALIENS HAVE NOT CURED THE COMMON COLD: Never feel bad for your shortcomings or your lack of insight except to the extent that they directly fuck you. If the extra-planetary beings with genetically engineered brains don't have the foresight to see if a runny nose might end their race, you should clearly be able to forgive yourself for sleeping through your alarm.

3. TRUE LOVE IS THE CURE FOR DEATH: Allow the good stuff to overcome the bad stuff: episodes IV through VI should make up for episodes I through III, the profound break with reality you will suffer when finally acknowledging how truly small and powerless we really are will all end well when you get that crazy piece of strange in the psycho ward... and you'll never see mustard the same way again, and getting caught masterbating does not mean you should stop; you may as well get the payoff.

4. CHARACTERS NEVER FART DURING THE CLIMAX: Christian Bale never farts when saving the city... and you shouldn't either. There is a reason that hatching a necrotic ass bomb during a board meeting might be a bad idea.

5. THE VIOLENCE IN "SAW" IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE HORRIFYING DAMAGE DONE TO YOUR MIND WHEN YOU REALLY GET WHAT GRANT MORRISON IS TRYING TO SAY: ... if you don't know who he is then google him... you sorry fuck... then go shoot yourself in the fucking head for being such a godamn waste of space.

Friday, August 21, 2009

We Haven't Forgotten About You

We just don't care about you.

We have a blog-based project in the works in which we well SPEAK TO OURSELVES BEYOND RIGHT NOOOOOW!! Using Future Me.

In the mean time, this guy's site is pretty neat and you should check it out. Where else can you get a zombie a day? I am told that it will keep the meat sacks, doldrums, and any other mammal away. Plus there are creepy little biographies with each one.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Why You Should Be Glad I Don't Have a Head-Asplode Ray Gun

Because I would asplode everybody's head. Seriously.

Go see District 9 and dream of a world where I have a Head-Aspload Ray Gun.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Con Zombie!!

Had a good bit of fun at Comic con. My third time there. Got to see cool booths for the upcoming re-visions of "The Prisoner" and "V" as well as some cool movies. I bought too many toys and got to meet some of the actors from Torchwood! All that walking around and carrying piles of free-bees is too much for me to do all four days. I think the next con I go to, I'm going to spring extra for a table in artist alley. Not only to do some sketches and maybe even sell some artwork, but as a place to sit. Mostly as a place to sit. My shoulders hurt every time I go to a con and I can never find a place to sit and rest. Also, from past experience with helping out an artist friend, people treat you different when you're behind a table. When I was young and naive, I never minded that the artists didn't seem to really like me, or want to do sketches for me. In fact, I have a photo of me with Art Adams and I'm holding my sketch book open to a blank page, because in over 12 years of going to cons, he's always been too booked up, too tired, or just about to leave for a panel or something. I know this sound like a bad bit of gossip, but it's the truth. One year a friend got two-(2)-dos sketches from him after he had already turned me down earlier in the day. I've come to the realization that I must mumble and babble nervously without realizing it and somehow un-nerve them. I have a friend who got seven sketches within the first four hours of the con! I never even pulled my book out. I could just see all the artists eyeing me warily, trying to cover whatever sketch they might be working on and hoping I'd just shamble on to the next table.
But it's different when I'm behind the table. Then, they joke with me about stuff, they gossip, asking about my own artistic endeavors and treat me as one of their own. One day, Art Adams will come strolling by my table and want to talk to me about how cool my art is and then he'll demand that I let him sketch in my sketchbook.
And I will let him. Not because I'm forgiving or anything; I've just always wanted a fucking sketch from the guy.