Saturday, September 29, 2007

More Old Zombie Hunting

I still have some of these to do, but haven't gotten around to it. Here's some friends all suited and booted for the zombie apocalypse.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Humanity Will Pay!!!

Hopefully, I'll come back and visit this after I'm done crying.
There are many reasons to visit Japan, and this was probably the greatest.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Robot Porn

Man, I love the internet, and I love weirdos who make stuff like this:

While it's not quite as slick as the music video for "All is Full of Love" by Bjork, it's still pretty awesome. The stills remind me of Tool's music vids.


A Good Woman

I'm not going to carry on like some chump about how my marriage is perfect but I will say this: It's tough to find a good woman. Mine has always stood by me and supported me, which I greatly appreciate. But on top of that she understands (some might say "tolerates" but those people are assholes) me the way very few other women have or could. That's not to say she thinks about robots all day and gets riled up when ST:TNG fucks up another good time travel episode, but she DOES understand that that's how *I* happen to roll. I think the best way to express this concept is to say that we have a lot in common in terms of being sci-fi/comic book/action movie/video game nerds but the difference is the level of intensity: Where she might enjoy Batman Begins and leave it at that, I can be found scooping up Batman action figures by the armload while gleefully trying to shove my fat ass into the little kids' version of the Batman costume.

But despite my appreciation for this superhuman capacity for putting up with my insanity she still surprises me from time to time.

Take this morning. Prime example. I was rolling up on the front door of her work place when she suddenly yells, "STOP RIGHT HERE!!" Now I know there are some newspapers she's responsible for bringing in but the difference between where she yelled for me to stop and the place where I normally stop was probably 3 feet. So I give her shit for it.

"Oh, pshshsh, sorry if you can't handle that extra 3 feet...."

Hairy Eyeball and a long pause then, "Why you gotta' bust my vagina-balls?"

More Hairy Eyeball.

Then I was ROLLING. She was about to get out when, in the middle of laughing my ass off I said, "Hold on, hold on. Lemme get your ass back 3 feet." So I threw the White Ninja in reverse, went back 3 feet, and let her out.

Now you go out and find me 10 women at random and I promise that not ONE of them would say, "Why you gotta' bust my vagina-balls?" Fucking top gun all the way, baby!

Top gun, Mrs. Dekxington. Top gun.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Space DIsease!!!

I guess they have the cover story in place. So called scientists say that the meteor that hit in Peru must have struck arsenic tainted water and those vapors got people sick.

Very disappointing if it's true. I think Peru must be overrun with zombies by now and the media is just covering it up. Once they sweep down the Andes through Bolivia and hit Northern Argentina, we can look forward to Zombie Gauchos! Man, I can't wait to see a Zombie Gaucho! I just like saying Zombie Gaucho. Maybe I'll name my next band that. Death Metal Rap with a South American flavor. We'll throw our deadly bolas at the audience and they will love us for it. We'll slaughter Alpacas on stage and dance around in their skins until the stage is too dangerous slippery wet and alpaca gutsy. Even Gwar will be afraid of our shows.
But, back to the point. While Argentina is destroyed by Zombie Gauchos, the Zombie Virus will be blazing through Brazil faster than AIDS and poverty combined. AIDS ridden zombies with no education or marketable skills will ravage the countryside.
Meanwhile, to the north, armed rebel groups and government death squads will band together in defense of Ecuador and Colombia. This may slow the undead down for a while, but eventually, some zombies will stumble upon a poorly defended cocaine manufacturing facility. There's not much this side of a bazooka that will stop a coked up zombie. I bet you they can even fly when they're high! Soon the hordes of AIDS zombies and Zombie Gauchos and Coked Up zombies will swarm...
So, it was arsenic tainted water. Probably.

MOTH to the B-O-T.
Zombie Gaucho!

Gauchos practice fighting zombies with their fierce knives and ponchos.

News From the MOTH Cube

After 5 months of working a cube job, the movie Office Space is now 7 times funnier than it already was. I several neighbors that I just plain hate, and other neighbors who I only hate when they are talking too loud. One such neighbor and his friends like to analyse the previous night's TV at top volume. Most of last season's Heroes was spoiled for me in this manner. So, since 10 am they have been discussing this season's premier. I watched it and they can't really spoil anything for me, but I think I'm still bitter about how much they ruined last season. To top it all off, other neighbors will join in the discussion from their own cubes. Soon they are all hollering back and forth about Sylar and viruses and new characters. My only remedy is to drown them out with System of a Down or Rage Against the Machine at an uncomfortable volume. Since I'm more in the mood for softer, ultra-loungey music today, I have to put myself in a bad mood with some of the angriest sounding music ever made by humans. All this really does is make me want to run to each of their cubes and kick them in the face. Or maybe climb over the cube wall and elbow drop them in their face region like the Ultimate Warrior.
It's 10:26 now and they're still going at it. I just checked. I think they're talking Survivor now, but I don't watch that crap.
If I had a superpower right now, I'd want one where I could walk into each of their cubes, place a finger to my lips and "Shhhhhhhhh" they'd fall quiet and not be able to talk for the rest of the day.

P.S. Co-worker Jay just came over to have me check files on a DVD and when he handed it to me, I got a static shock through my headphones!! You know that little tab of ear meat that sorta covers yer ear-hole? That got shocked! My ear meats are not used to electric currents!

Friday, September 21, 2007

I want one of these for my cube here at work. And one for home. And one at any store I go to. And one at the museum...
I think I want these everywhere, Just like I, Robot (the movie) where everyone had their robot servant. Damn it would be awesome!


Souped. UP!!

I had a 20oz Diet Mountain Dew and a cup of strong coffee with sugar this morning. I am souped UP!! To give you an idea of how I'm feeling right now, you have to realize that I have my left eye squinched shut tight enough to hold a grapefruit in it and I am clenching my teeth like I'm trying to lift a car off of my dog, who got hit because he was pushing my wife out of the way, who was in the middle of the road trying to help an elderly lady across (The dog only saved Wifey. The old lady's probably already rotting in Hell.).

Unfortunately, while I have work to do today, absolutely none of it requires this insane level of caffeination and alertness. I think I'm going to calculate a few thousand places of PI to blow off some steam.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

It's Almost Biblical

This has to be a sign. The Japanese not accepting the love of their Robot Overlords. Makes me weep for G.O.D.s chosen people.

Also, keep your eyes and ears on this story. This is how Zombie problems start. I'm hoping that any day now, there will be reports of the undead sweeping up from Mexico and other points south of the border. This could be the begining of something wonderful!
Or it could just be people getting sick from space rocks...

Hoping for zombies,

Awesome Workness

For those readers who don't know, I work in an ocean of cubicles. I like my job quite a bit, so I'm not going to burden you all with lame stories about how much work sucks and how I hate my life. Mainly becuase neither case is true. However, when you spend 9 hours a day in an enivronment where you're never truly alone, shit can wear on you.

Take the 8 dumb bitches down the hall from me; prime example. They have very boring jobs that probably aren't all that emotionally or psychologically rewarding. Consequently, they talk a lot. Actually, that's a poor way of putting it; They're constantly running their big fucking yaps. Usually I can go into a Superman-like state of near death which allows me to do my work without listening to their incessant yammering. But occasionally I lose my concentration and suddenly I'm nuts deep in a clinic on inanity. At these moments I am typically filled with rage because:

A. They never, ever stop talking even though none of them has a fucking thing to say which leads to
B. I have to hear it all.

Well, today I had to go help one of them who had an issue with a database I maintain. While I was over there, the diarrhetic nature of their conversations was even more evident. One of them was carrying on and on about what a slut so-and-so was. Suddenly, the woman I was helping says, "Ladies, Josh is here..." as if to say, "You're being really improper in mixed company right now. Please cease and desist." But, of course, I would have heard every word of this conversation if I HAD BEEN AT MY FUCKING DESK BECAUSE YOU TWATS DON'T KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOUR KNOB GOBBLERS SHUT!!! That's how I was all on the inside. On the outside I was all, "Oh, don't worry about it: I can hear everything you say in my cube waaay over there anway." I added what I felt was a pretty damn charming smile to confuse them a bit. They all suddenly turned red and decided that there was something extremely interesting either on the floor or back on their computer screens.

I finished up my business with the database and as I left I said, "Ok, I'll hear you all later. Have good day," and took off before they could respond.

I gotta' tell you, Faithful Reader, that felt good. That felt real good. If that doesn't buy me a little silence I'm going to go over there and poop on each one of their desks. At least then they'll be discussing something interesting, if only for a few minutes.

Friday, September 14, 2007


I was just sitting here in my grey, tiny cube at work eating some Peanut M&Ms that I got from Upstairs Girlfriend and I had an Easter moment. Now let me say that I am not a religious man and the only thing that ever mattered to me about Easter was getting a metric shitfuck of candy and maybe a toy or book.

So I was sitting here eating Peanut M&Ms and I shook out the last three from the "Fun Size" bag. It was two yellow ones and a green one. The first thing I did was prioritize the order in which I would eat them. Obviously, since there were two yellows, I would eat one of those, then the green, then the other yellow. Normally I don't worry about shit like this unless the candy I'm eating has different flavors that are color coded, i.e. Skittles, Starbursts, Mike & Ikes and so forth. But prioritizing the consumption order flipped a switch in my brain that said, "We prioritize color consumption when eating color coded candy. Therefore, since you have prioritized this candy, it is color coded. Yellow = Lemon. End of Line." So even though I KNEW I was eating Peanut M&Ms, my brain and mouth were expecting lemon flavor. I don't know how to explain the sensation, but it was like, for just one instant, I could taste lemon but it immediately changed to candy coated chocolate.

The moral of the story? If you ever get abducted and are forced to suck beef in a Roman-style bath house, see if you can't talk your captors into painting the custard chuckers different colors. Taste the Rainbow!!!

Scarring My Wife

While my beautiful wife and I were driving to work this morning we heard an interview with Wolfgang Puck, who was talking about his divorce. His first wife was just as responsible for Puck's success as he was, apparently having an abundance of business savvy. For this reason Wolfgang said he wasn't bitter that she got half of all of the Puck Empire in the divorce.

When I thought of having half of a multi-BILLION dollar empire I got a little sad and a little horny. So I said to the wifey, "I wish you had married Wolfgang Puck."

She picked up the slack immediately. "So I could divorce him, get billions of dollars, then marry you? (And make you sign a prenup...)"

Dekx: "Yeah...NO!! I ain't signing no prenup!"

A moment of silence, then I said, "Wait! I would totally sign a prenup because I'll never leave you!!!" (Nice save, right? Oh yeah....)

A moment of silence, then, "Well, you know, unless you were paralyzed below the waist or your head got all mangled and ugly in an accident or something. I mean, that's not unreasonable."

Wife: "No, that's totally reasonable."

Me: "Although, a single big-ass scar that starts on your forehead, then runs across your eye and down your cheek would be pretty fucking hot, actually."

I turned to look at her cute lil' face and imagine a kick ass scar running down it when I noticed that she was giving me the hairy eyeball. "What? I'm just saying it would be awesome. OO!! Or what if it was three scars from a cougar you had to kill in the wilderness?!?! Oh Christ, that would be the shit."

More hairy eyball.

"I'm just sayin'...."

So if you're out there, and you bothered to finish reading this post, and you know what Wifey looks like, please, PLEASE chime in on the comments and back me up on this. Just imagine her being her same, cheery self until somebody that doesn't know any better asks her about the three parallel scars running across the left side of her face. She'd get a steely, ninja look in her eye and say in an almost hypnotic monotone, "That's from the cougar that tried to kill me and my man. We were on a camping trip in the Pacific Northwest when Dekx broke his leg trying to cross some rocks sticking out of a river. It was a compound fracture and I couldn't set it properly. So after the second day you could smell the rot and decay coming from his leg. That night, while scouting the perimeter of our camp, I picked up signs of a cougar. The following night, I found signs of a cougar again. I knew we were being stalked. Between carrying Dekx and our camping gear, and the stench leaving an easy trail for the cougar to follow, I realized I'd have to make a stand. We travelled about half as far as usual on the fourth day so I could make sure Dekx was well protected, and so I could make some jungle weapons with which I would face the beast that night. I sharpened some long, relatively straight saplings I had found and spent an hour or two practicing throwing them so I could get a decent feel for how they handled. I also covered myself in mud in attempt to confuse the cougar, which I had by then named, "The Cunt". I was exhausted after 4 solid days of carrying Dekx through the wilderness and we had already run out of coffee. So it was inevitable that I would fall asleep. The Cunt must have been watching the entire time, but she's wiley. She didn't attack until I had been asleep for a couple of hours and deep into R.E.M. The worst possible way I can think of waking up is to feel two flaps of your face dangling against your neck. Though I had been asleep, I was still prepaired. That opening shot was the last one The Cunt got. I put my knife in her right eye and as she staggered back, I drove one of my homemade pikes through her neck. The exchange was so short, Dekx didn't even wake up. The next morning, I had to sew my face back together because Dekx was too week by then from the gang greene and was shaking badly. I spent the rest of that day carrying him out and just after nightfall we made it back our car. To this day I wake up every morning, right around 3 a.m. and it always feels, just for an instant, like two flaps of my face are touching my neck. It's like I relive the attack every day and Dekx plays his part, too: He never wakes up...."

Then she'd come out of her hypno state and be all cute and sparkly again. Tell me that wouldn't be awesome!!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Zombie Hunting

I finally got around to coloring up some pictures I drew of my friends in zombie hunting gear. Here's the first. Just getting an idea for the color scheme and texture. I should probably try and sleep now, but sleep just won't come.

Monday, September 10, 2007

I think I made a mistake

I took up running about a year ago as a way to get out of the house and away (temporarily) from the stress of my freelance design business. I also started it so I could run from zombies. Now it's a full blown thing that I do all the time. I have to go running a couple of times a week or I get a little crazy. Sometimes I put on a burst of speed for as many blocks as I can. I most certainly look like an idiot, but when the Zombies come, I'll look hella good blowing past all the fat, slow bastards that are about to become lunch. I even bought myself an iPod shuffle (blue) just for running. It has all the techno, rap, heavy metal songs that make for good running. But I made a mistake. I thought it would be cool to put a song from 28 Days Later on my pod. It's the music when Cillian Murphy is running through the old house killing off army guys and setting zombies loose while he rescues the ladies. So, at 7:30-ish, the song still hasn't shuffled through, and I start hitting fast forward until it starts...
And then I got freaked out so bad I had to sprint all the way home. My knees hurt. My shoulder hurt. My ankles hurt. I'm sure I looked panicked as I bolted up the stairs to my apartment with "In the House - In a Heartbeat" pumping way too loud. I quickly closed the door behind me and laughed as the song and the fear slowly faded.
I'm not taking the song off.
This WILL happen again.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Apocalypse Please

Anyone seen any zombies, aliens or evil robots bent on world destruction? I need an excuse to not do some work. Something big. Something that will make my job irrellevant. Survival will become my job! If you are a mad scientist, power hungry supervillian, or government lackey looking to unleash mucho devestation on an unsuspecting planet, now is the time! This is your moment to strike, and my excuse to take an extended "vacation" from work.
I'm really hoping for zombies. More so than usual since the work I have to do right now is particularly tedious and leaves me daydreaming of scrabbling through the office with only a coffee mug and a pair of scissors to fend off hundreds of zombified co-workers. My favorite part of the daydream is when I make it out of the building, chased up Huffaker hill by rotting flesh eaters, and look over toward the city only to see pillars of smoke and fire and the dark swarms of undead.
Good lord it would be beautiful! sigh.

Bored as heck,

Behave Yourselves

Now, I'm going out of town for a couple of days and I'm going to leave MothBot in charge. But I expect to see this blog exactly as it was when I left. If I see any Village People or Broadway Musical posts, there will be some fucking hell to pay. I mean it, Mothy; fucking behave.

Also, please leave the plastic covers on the couch and be sure you don't eat in the living room. And NO GIRLS. That includes humpable robots and tube socks you aren't wearing on your feet.


Thursday, September 6, 2007


So MothBot and I were rolling to lunch yesterday in his Working Man's Batmobile when he fired up the ol' satellite radio. It's often set to one of countless Techno stations, but I was still pretty shocked to hear a bizarre combination of Techno and Latin Oompa. There were the high-pitched synth sounds any techno fan knows and loves, but the song had a break-neck speed, Oompa-Oopma tuba thing, and what appeared to be accordian that had been altered slightly with a computer.

It was impossible to hear the song and not simultaneously think, "Techno" and "Latin Oompa". I was blown away. So I said to Mothy, I said, "What the fuck? Techno and Mexican music? It's MexicO!!" Normally, when I combine two words I really look for a balance between getting as much of each original word in the new one, but this was too glorious to let pass.

So when you're at your next rave be sure to ask the DJ to spin some MexicO. If he doesn't know what it is then you should leave the rave, because it will be the lamest rave of all time and space.


P.S. If there are any MexicO musicians or fans, we'd love to hear your favorites. Send them to robotloveszombie at gmail dot com.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Some of the First

First. Robots in advertising:
Has everybody seen the Heinikin Beer ad with the sexy robot chick?

Has everybody seen the credit card ad with the kid doing the robot dance with his friends?

My sweet and understanding girlfriend laughs and hugs me every time one of these come on because she knows my brain is shutting out everything except robots. Now that we have gotten that out of the way...
Here are some of the first sketches of my team of Celebrity Car Robots. Done in Photoshop to just get the ideas out of my skull. Robots take up a lot of room in my skull.

Notice how there's even a picture of the 1960's Batmobile in the picture? Yeah. But Dekx claims he was thinking I was going to use a cartoon version or some such crap. I should stab Dekx in the nekx the nekxt time I see him.

I love it when a Van comes together!

Monday, September 3, 2007

A little bit about MOTHbot

MOTHb.o.t. Prime - Exalted Prelate 2.5
Likes: Cheese Cake, iPods, Taking pictures of people who aren't looking at the camera.
Dislikes: Tree Sap, HTML, People who always feel the need to be noticed by everyone around them.

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