Friday, September 14, 2007


I was just sitting here in my grey, tiny cube at work eating some Peanut M&Ms that I got from Upstairs Girlfriend and I had an Easter moment. Now let me say that I am not a religious man and the only thing that ever mattered to me about Easter was getting a metric shitfuck of candy and maybe a toy or book.

So I was sitting here eating Peanut M&Ms and I shook out the last three from the "Fun Size" bag. It was two yellow ones and a green one. The first thing I did was prioritize the order in which I would eat them. Obviously, since there were two yellows, I would eat one of those, then the green, then the other yellow. Normally I don't worry about shit like this unless the candy I'm eating has different flavors that are color coded, i.e. Skittles, Starbursts, Mike & Ikes and so forth. But prioritizing the consumption order flipped a switch in my brain that said, "We prioritize color consumption when eating color coded candy. Therefore, since you have prioritized this candy, it is color coded. Yellow = Lemon. End of Line." So even though I KNEW I was eating Peanut M&Ms, my brain and mouth were expecting lemon flavor. I don't know how to explain the sensation, but it was like, for just one instant, I could taste lemon but it immediately changed to candy coated chocolate.

The moral of the story? If you ever get abducted and are forced to suck beef in a Roman-style bath house, see if you can't talk your captors into painting the custard chuckers different colors. Taste the Rainbow!!!

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