Thursday, September 20, 2007

Awesome Workness

For those readers who don't know, I work in an ocean of cubicles. I like my job quite a bit, so I'm not going to burden you all with lame stories about how much work sucks and how I hate my life. Mainly becuase neither case is true. However, when you spend 9 hours a day in an enivronment where you're never truly alone, shit can wear on you.

Take the 8 dumb bitches down the hall from me; prime example. They have very boring jobs that probably aren't all that emotionally or psychologically rewarding. Consequently, they talk a lot. Actually, that's a poor way of putting it; They're constantly running their big fucking yaps. Usually I can go into a Superman-like state of near death which allows me to do my work without listening to their incessant yammering. But occasionally I lose my concentration and suddenly I'm nuts deep in a clinic on inanity. At these moments I am typically filled with rage because:

A. They never, ever stop talking even though none of them has a fucking thing to say which leads to
B. I have to hear it all.

Well, today I had to go help one of them who had an issue with a database I maintain. While I was over there, the diarrhetic nature of their conversations was even more evident. One of them was carrying on and on about what a slut so-and-so was. Suddenly, the woman I was helping says, "Ladies, Josh is here..." as if to say, "You're being really improper in mixed company right now. Please cease and desist." But, of course, I would have heard every word of this conversation if I HAD BEEN AT MY FUCKING DESK BECAUSE YOU TWATS DON'T KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOUR KNOB GOBBLERS SHUT!!! That's how I was all on the inside. On the outside I was all, "Oh, don't worry about it: I can hear everything you say in my cube waaay over there anway." I added what I felt was a pretty damn charming smile to confuse them a bit. They all suddenly turned red and decided that there was something extremely interesting either on the floor or back on their computer screens.

I finished up my business with the database and as I left I said, "Ok, I'll hear you all later. Have good day," and took off before they could respond.

I gotta' tell you, Faithful Reader, that felt good. That felt real good. If that doesn't buy me a little silence I'm going to go over there and poop on each one of their desks. At least then they'll be discussing something interesting, if only for a few minutes.

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