Tuesday, February 19, 2008

This Robot is Exactly Sick.

I am... sick still. Sitting here in the dark, coughing and listening to one of my neighbors coughing away the night. It's been a week. I'm on the mend, but still unable to sleep. I got sick over a holiday weekend, so I didn't even bother seeing a doctor until now. My doctor's office was standing room only and there was a two hour (at least?) wait for stupid people like me who decided to walk in without an appointment. I nodded toward the throng of sick and dying and headed to a nearby urgent care. I still had to wait an hour and a half, but there were only 8 or 9 people there, and the receptionist was handing sanitary masks out which I totally wanted to wear because I think it makes me look like the guy that used to play keyboards for Prince. Anyway, I'm on the mend and the doctor lady wanted to give me something to put me over the edge. Codeine.
I've heard many people sing the praises of Codeine and Vicadin, but I've never really had much luck with the opiates. When I broke my elbow skateboarding, I took two vicadin and had to get some Advil to actually do anything for me. 
Well, it's the same thing all over again. Apparently, because I'm a robot, I lack an enzyme that is crucial to activating most opiates, so the codeine is having no affect on me. I even went and took another tiny sip just to be sure I took more than the label stated. No affect what-so-ever! I'm still awake, still coughing, still miserable, and wondering when it will end. I might as well be drinking water. 
I wonder if this means I can totally smoke opium and not even get high? I could totally sit around for weeks in some grubby old-world chinatown, honking off some hooka like a goddam pro, just get up and shout, "This fucking dragon is taking me NOWHERE!!"
Instead of giving me my money back, I'd make them teach me kung fu. "Wong! Get me some fucking tea up in here! It's gonna be another long fucking night!"


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