Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Lost Histories of the Great and Glorious Nation Church State of Chakakahnistan Inc. Part the Second


As you schlubbs in our neighboring country of America get ready to watch Obama sworn in as president, I am reminded of one of the great historical inaugurations of Chakakahnistan. The year was 1923. Jimmy Carter had just barely avoided being eaten by Shargrillas and thus finishing his third term as president. He had gone through an unprecedented 15 vice-presidents and four first ladies. The economy was at its peak. The world trembled before the might of Chakakahnistan, and it looked like things could not get any better. But they did. Oh, yes they did indeed.
It was the hottest January on record during the coldest year since the Ice-Capades of '73 and few knew that history was baking in the oven. Baking a cake of historical awesomeness. In fact, we still call it the "Awesome History Cake of 1923". And it was the cake of the first Mythical Beast-Computer ticket. Much like our current and beloved team of RoboCop-Unicorn who mercilessly swept into office this year, the team of President Bigfoot, Vice-President Speak-and-Spell were destined to set all the records and be the world champs. After their inauguration, Bigfoot and Speak-and-Spell were to usher in a new age of powerful sauces and potent juices that revitalized the populace and lubricated the bureaucracy as never before. One of the few remaining daguerreotypes of the ceremony shows the guests from around the world, as well as a rare photo of first lady ChakaBigfoot. Despite Speak-and-Spell's fondness of the drink, and Bigfoot's constant harassment by big game hunters, this dynamic duo took our great nation to new heights and even got the elusive Jamiroquai to play at the Capital Discotech during Bigfoot's birthday. Then, in a drunken frenzy they declared war on the Shargrillas and that was pretty glorious too. But that is a spooky story for another day.

The End

1 comment:

Dekx said...

And if you're good, kids, we'll tell you the story of the Litter Indian sitting in the front row, there.

The PSA shows him shedding a single tear because of all the White Devil trash in his sacred river.

What it doesn't show is the vengeance he exacts.