Saturday, April 25, 2009

Billions and Billions

An update of the life so far of MOTHbot J. Garcia Lopez Maria de las Albundigas Williams III.

Girlfriend Unit CV1 got me "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". I'm very happy to be reading this book. It has illustrations and dialogue like: "My dear girl" said her ladyship. "I suggest you take this contest seriously. My ninjas will show you no mercy." Reminds me of the Samurai Cat books by Mark Rodgers.
I'm also watching Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" that I got from iTunes. I've always been lazy and not read the books since I watched the show and kinda felt it would spoil the ending. But now I've decided to exercise my reading prowess... Right after I get done watching the series.
That reminds me of the time Dekx and I challenged Carl Sagan to a series of leg wrestling bouts over rights to claim the title, High Priest of Science. Carl totally whooped our asses and then never even used the title. I had it printed on some business cards but I never handed them out, even after he passed away, because I still feared his wrath. I keep meaning to travel back in time and demand a rematch and some lunch but I've been busy subtly manipulating Dekx's genetics by breeding with his ancestors. That's working pretty well since I'm probably the only person to be a great-great- great-great aunt while still alive.
I totally wish that when I got mad, one of my arms would turn into a silverback gorilla arm and I could smack bitches down. So I've started work on a project to make that happen. It's done using a technique of low level Quantum switching. So, theoretically there'd be a gorilla somewhere who suddenly had one pale, scrawny, useless right arm. I hope it won't cause him too much embarrassment. Right now, there are some kinks to be worked out on targeting the source arm and when I get angry, my right arm turns into a golden marmoset for a split second. Yeah, a whole golden goddam marmoset. He gets hella freaked out when he sees that he's growing out my right shoulder and that his right arm has been replaced with mine. We still don't know where his original right marmoset arm goes, but whenever it comes back, the fingernails are freshly manicured and it smells like curry.

Mmmmm curry...

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