Disney Buying Marvel. MOTHbot is sad and doesn't understand why...

If I had written this earlier in the day, this would have been some asinine rant, wailing against the injustices of the world and all that. Now, I'm much more mellowed out. I realize that Disney is buying Marvel to target that male demographic that the Disney Princesses DVD just doesn't reach. I realize, as Dekx calmly reminded me, they won't go and neuter Marvel and gut the comic trying to make Wolverine as toddler friendly as possible. It's not like someone will call up Joe Q and tell him they need to find something less menacing, like bunnies, to pop out of Wolverine's knuckles.

On top of all that, I've always been a DC guy at heart. Don't get me wrong. I love comics of all stripes; but my favorites have always been Superman, Batman and DC's golden age heroes. Up until this last year or two, about the only golden age heroes that Marvel paid any attention to were Captain America and Namor.

But here's the thing. Marvel was like that one cool sexy chick at school that you still had the hots for and bought her sodas all the time and carried some of her books, and caught yourself staring at her cleavage even though you were sorta devoted in your mind to someone else. Well, some rich senior named Blaine (that's not a name, that's a major appliance!) who has his own car, and gets the house to himself all the time while his parents are in Aruba and has cool hair and all the cool clothes, just swooped in and is taking her to the prom. And you just know, you just feel it in your bones, that Blaine is going to use her and crush her spirit and leave her knocked up and half alive somewhere in the desert a few years later! Who is going to want her after Blaine has taken all that was good out of her and left her a shambling, diseased, stretch-marked wreck of a woman?

But, there is hope. That chick DC, you've always had a crush on? Well, she's been married to old man Warner for quite a few years, and you have to admit she's still pretty damn sexy! She's got great cartoons and Batman movies to die for, and still gets to do adult stuff like Vertigo...

Hopefully Disney will stick to the plan and let Marvel be Marvel and she can still do all the sexy things she's always done.

For full disclosure, when the deal goes through, I'll be getting a check from Disney/Marvel for around $400 and have some shiny new Disney stock for all my troubles. And then, I will own a piece of Blaine. Mmmmmmmmmmm, Blaine...

M