Thursday, November 15, 2007

Personal Smokie

Ok, regardless of what the title might imply, this has nothing to do with Guy Whose Piss Always Smells Like Sausage. This is at LEAST 15% cooler.

MOTHy and I were talking at lunch the other day about how awesome it would be to have our own personal Red Neck Highway Patrolman. Think about it, man! If anybody was giving you shit about what your piss smelled like, for instance, suddenly a 6'3" Looziana bulldog with a High and Tight, a flat-brimmed hat, a gigantic pair of aviators, and a light sheen of sweat because guys like that are always a little bit sweaty comes out of nowhere.

"We got a problem here, son? Looks to me like a petterass such as yourself ought not to be saying such terrible things. Folks that leak at the mouth like that tend to get the leak plugged, if you know what I mean? Now I'm gonna' be kind, extend you a little South'n Hospitatlity, and drive you out to the edge of town; My mammy didn't raise no barbarian. But if I see your deadbeat ass in my town again, I will make sure that you walk with a fucking limp for the rest of your life."

And then, no matter the situation you're in, or where you are, Personal Smokie would always say, "Oh, and one more thing: Get that broken tail light fixed."

The person fucking with you would, of course, say, "What broken tail light?"

And BLAM!!, Personal Smokie would smash the fuck out of one of the tail lights with his night stick. The best part about this is that, even if we started out in an office setting, the person would end up in their car. Then he'd say, "Y'all have a good day now, y'heaya?" Then walk back to his cruiser and drive off.

We're here to tell you peeps: Personal Smokie is the wave of the fucking future. If there's a better argument for cloning humans, I'd sure as fuck like to know what it is.

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