Thursday, July 10, 2008

Anniversaries




Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being married is tough all over, even in Chakakahnistan which has some of the most liberal relationship laws on the planet. Gender and race are so yesterday! The Nation-State-Church-Corporation of Chakakahnistan fully embraces relationships with robots as well as the undead and is always looking for ways to improve your love life. To help you further enjoy your indefinite servitude to your spouse/master, we present the official Anniversary themes for subjects of our beloved Nation. Whether you slave away here on Earth, or have pioneered the far regions of newly acquired Planet Baracus, you may find much joy in these annual themes.

1 Year- Monkey (anything simian will do)
2 Year- Unobtanium
3 Year- Turn-tables
4 Year- This anniversary is forbidden. Just skip it.
5 Year- Subliminal (Buy Spend Kill)
6 Year- Robot
7 Year- Go to Year 14
8 Year- Olde Tyme Radio
9 Year- Stigmata
10 Year- Coffee
11 Year- Techno Music
12 Year- Left Ear
13 Year- Death Star
14 Year- Go to Year 7
15 Year- Christopher Walken
16 Year- Quantum Mechanniversary
17 Year- Agnostic
18 Year- Anniversary of the Living Dead
19 Year- Hip-Hop
20 Year- Quarantine
21 Year- Optimus Prime
22 Year- Meat Helmet
23 Year- Ninja Star
24 Year- Ol' Dirty Bastard (The rapper, not the lifestyle)
25 Year- Munchausen Syndrome (They can't leave you if they need you)
26 Year- Shooting Spree with His and Her Tinfoil Hats
27 Year- Suicide (It's the best gift you could give your mate!)
28 Year- Loudly Singing Songs You Don't Know The Words To
29 Year- Beating Off While Quietly Weeping in the Shower, Sad and Alone, Wondering Where It All Went Wrong
30 Year- Church State Republic of Chakakhanistan Incorporated Flag's Mythical Creature: The Body of a Unicorn and the Head of Chaka Khan.
31 Year- Dutch Oven
32 Year- Stockholm Syndrome (Are you a spouse or a hostage?)
33 Year- Large Pants
34 Year- Heisenberg Uncertainty-versary Principle (Where is your spouse and how fast is he moving?)
35 Year- The Taint
36 Year- Walkie Talkies!

50 Year- Bruce Springstein
75 Year- Kryptonian
99 Year- Anni-fucking-versary- Tmesis
100 Year- Cosmic Space Baby

That should get most everyone started. We'll fill in where needed. Remember: the penalty for not following these themes is death, re-animation and re-deathing.

5 comments:

Lynell said...

Why is stigmata on there for year 9 and 33?
And where is my Walkie-Talkie anniversary! You promised me walkie-talkies!!

mothbot said...

That's my bad. I blame my allergy medicine. I've corrected it and added the Walkie Talkie for you and Dekx.

Dekx said...

"Remember: the penalty for not following these themes is death, re-animation and re-deathing."

And then we'll kill you.

Dekx said...

"And where is my Walkie-Talkie anniversary! You promised me walkie-talkies!!"

Yes, baby. Sorry. But at least I won't have to pick them up for another 34 years. By them we'll have them installed in our domes!

Lynell said...

I have a feeling I'm going to be trapped in the year 7 to 14 mobius loop for a while anyway.

NellBot