Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I Still Like Ska and You Should Be Glad #1

I still like ska and you should be glad. I know, I know...Ska's out like legwarmers and shaving the Bat Signal into the back of your head. But the up-tempo dohdyoh doh doh of the rhythm section and the sassy doodleedoo of the horns make The Rage go away. It doesn't matter how terrible or horrific my day has been as long as I can come home to a ska version of Brown Eyed Girl or a song about Spam. Honestly, there's nothing ska can't fix for me. And you should be glad...

For instance, without ska, your incompetent boobery on the highways and city streets would drive me to kill each and every one of you in a decidedly Bolivian Drug Lord fashion. I'm not here to intimidate you, but there would definitely be a blowtorch and a rusty pair of left-handed safety scissors in the deal. So how 'bout this: Turn on your blinker when you're going to turn, turn off your blinker when you're not going to turn, put on your makeup when you get to the whorehouse, pay attention to the goddamn traffic lights, fuck off with your blue uber-bright, harnessing the power of the sun headlights, hang up your FUCKING CELL PHONE AND DRIVE!!! I'll let you keep listening to your Earth-shattering mega-booty bass thunder box in the hopes that it renders you permanently sterile.

But above all else, always remember and obey the one cardinal rule:

Right Lane Slow
Left Lane Fast

You do that and I"ll listen to ska instead of flaming whatever you have that's flammable or raping whatever you have that's rapable.

Now, where's that Save Ferris CD?

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