Sunday, May 23, 2010

I Still Like Ska and You Should Be Glad #2

I still like ska and you should be glad. I know, I know...Ska's out like Roller Disco and Macrame Plant Hangers. But the up-tempo dohdyoh doh doh of the rhythm section and the sassy doodleedoo of the horns make The Rage go away. It doesn't matter how terrible or horrific my day has been as long as I can come home to a ska version of Come On, Eileen or a song about somebody that hates me. Honestly, there's nothing ska can't fix for me. And you should be glad....

For instance, without ska, standing in line with you assholes would send me over the edge. I'd go on a terrible, terrible rampage, hurling you all to and fro all the live long day. You'd be the Lex Luthor to my Superman, the Bluto to my Popeye.

Jeez, where to begin?


Crowding me, lightly touching me, breathing on me, anything that sets off my Spider-sense is simply creating the illusion of getting your dumb ass through the line faster. I know you're loathe to admit it, I know it drives you insane, but when you're standing in line behind me I CONTROL YOUR DESTINY....DESTINY....destiny....

There's a slim possibility that I'll use cash. Fuck with me and I'll use my card or a check. If you really piss me off I'll bust out my coupons just when you think your passive aggressive crowding and throat clearing has finally paid off.

Are you ready for the Ultra Lightning Round Bazillion Dollar Fantasy Question? Guess who else has to stand in line at the grocery store, the DMV, the return counter at Target or the massive prison train your mom has every Friday night?

DING DING DING!! That' correct, EVERYONE! Don, tell 'im what he's won!

Well, Dekx, for winning the Ultra Lightning Round Bazillion Dollar Fantasy Question he gets your size 14 foot in his ass. That's right! It's time to kill him slowly with internal bleeding and a beating that would make the most hardened Crip to ever grace South Central really sit down and think about what he's done! Severe and malevolent beatings from DekxCo!!

By the way, you get no pity or special treatment from me just because you can't carry all of your groceries. There's no excuse for it. Just to get into the store you have to run a gauntlet of carts and baskets. If you're in such a fuckin' hurry, why don't you pick up a basket instead of dropping everything twice or having me jam a majority of said items up your ass?

You do that, and I'll listen to ska instead of flaming whatever you have that's flammable or raping whatever you have that's rapeable.

Now, where's that Reel Big Fish Cd?

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