You Remind Me of Michael

Y'know, you remind me of Michael. That's not a good thing, Michael was an asshole. Michael was the type of guy to abuse Nicorette. He'd drink four or five GIGANTIC gin and tonics each night. Sure, Michael was a pragmatist when it came to researching software or programming it, his finances and what kind of pasta was least likely to cause colon cancer, but when it came to his personal life Michael was little more than a meat sack filled with Flintstones Vitamins...One bottle of.

Michael will aggravate his dog (which you are already afraid of) so that she bares her teeth and growls and barks. Michael has two master's degrees but he can't set his watch alarm. He'll squirt you fifteen times with his new squirt gun before he realizes that there's no squirt gun fight and that you're fucking pissed. Michael's the kind of guy to give you the clap or herpes just after they're passe.

Michael's your best friend when you hate him the most and you're his worst enemy if you get pizza with meat on it. Michael will knock up your sister, drink your last beer and shit in your vacuum cleaner. He'll do your taxes wrong and tell your momma' about your experimental college years. Michael will speak intelligently on the next course of action we should take in the Graphical User Interface, yet he will ask you to explain an entire episode of Murder She Wrote and he won't understand why the fuck you didn't watch it.

...Yep, you definitely remind me of Michael...you fucking douche.