Saturday, May 15, 2010

Oh No! Have I Been Buttfucked?!?!

Has this ever happened to you?

You go to a frat party on Saturday night and drink like Willy after landing on the other side of the reef. You get so drunk that you realize how terribly outdated and scientifically inaccurate your Free Willy reference is. When you wake up the next day you're not sure whether or not you've been buttfucked. It's all a jumbled amalgam of dreams and memories, the line between perception and reality is as blurry as your vision after your third bottle of Robitusin.

Well your troubles are over! With my patented system you'll be able to tell whether or not you've been buttfucked in just minutes! Here's how it works:

Use Common Sense: Sometimes it's easy to tell if you've been buttfucked. Make a bodily and mental check list.
  • Make sure your butt isn't sore, torn, bleeding or otherwise damaged.
  • Check to see if you feel utterly ashamed of yourself without knowing quite why.
  • Check your bum for excess moisture. Unless you're running a marathon or living in an equatorial climate, it should be relatively dry.
Hallmark even makes a, "Sorry I buttfucked you while you were in a state that may or may not have resulted in your inability to remember whether or not you've been buttfucked," card! If you get one of these with a couple of twenties stuffed into it, the chances are good that you've been buttfucked!

Those were some of the more obvious signs that your poopshoot's been violated but there are literally THOUSANDS of indicators that you've been buttfucked.

Call now and you'll get your "So You May Have Been Buttfucked" investigatory kit and a smiley-face paper bag Shame Mask. Call in the next twenty minutes and you'll get a jumbo-sized tube of lidocaine absolutely free!!

What are you waiting for?!?! You may already have been buttfucked.

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